Clambake wishing birthers Happy Birthday at ORYR

A great posting by Clambake aka Foggy

Here’s a friendly suggestion from an Obot: You people have to settle on one story if you plan to make any progress at all.

You can’t say that he’s ineligible because Barack Sr. wasn’t a U.S. citizen and then turn around and say Barack Sr. wasn’t his dad anyway. You can’t say his dad was Malcolm X or maybe Frank Marshal Davis or maybe Josef Stalin or maybe some unknown Indonesian dude. How is anyone supposed to analyze your claims if there’s an irreconcilable conflict between them?

You can’t say he was born in Kenya or maybe Indonesia or maybe Canada or maybe in Hawaii or maybe in Saudi Arabia. You have to pick one and stick to it. At one point in 2009 it was like there were very few countries in the world in which he wasn’t born.

You can’t say he’s been a communist all his life and then say he was a CIA agent in Pakistan at age 19 helping Ronald Reagan fight the communists in Afghanistan. You can’t say he’s fluent in Arabic because he was in Pakistan or Indonesia — neither of those countries’ people speak Arabic. They speak Urdu in Pakistan and Bahasa Indonesia in Indonesia. You can’t say he’s half black and then say he’s 5/7ths Arab. Gotta make up your mind about these things.

I’m telling you this for your own good. One of the ways lawyers shred witnesses in trial is by proving that the witness is telling two conflicting stories. But the birthers are telling more like two dozen conflicting stories, not all of which can possibly be true. For instance, you can only have one father and one mother and be born in one country. The birthers need to polish their act before taking it on the road, and one of the key things you will have to do is have some consistency to your stories.

That’s what we do. Our story is that he was born in Hawaii to Barack Sr. and Stanley Ann Obama. He was a natural born citizen from the moment of his birth, because the claim that his father’s citizenship matters has been rejected by many, many courts in the past four years. There’s no evidence he was adopted (a school record isn’t an adoption certificate) and even if he was adopted in five different countries, you can’t lose your American citizenship because of any other country’s laws. If you think Indonesian law can strip a six year old boy of his American citizenship, you’re a great Indonesian patriot but as an American you suck. There’s no evidence he attended any school as a foreign student except an April Fool’s joke from 2009. There’s no evidence he ever lost his citizenship. If a U.S. citizen couldn’t travel to Pakistan in 1981, why did Ronald Reagan toast the President of Pakistan in 1982 and mention “our strong ties of tourism”? His legal birth certificate is the COLB that he released 5 years ago today (Happy Birthday Birther Movement, you’re now 5 years old and have nothing to show for it). It’s not a PDF, it’s a certified PAPER birth certificate that the state government of Hawaii says is 100% legitimate (and the state of Hawaii is the ultimate authority on the genuineness of its own vital records). He’s been a natural born citizen since the day he was born and birtherism is nothing but a fabric of lies woven together by hatred and racism.

See what I mean? For us, it all fits together and no part of our story conflicts with any other part. That’s why we’ve won 207 lawsuits in a row, why no member of Congress is a birther, and why you’re destined to fail forever. Get your damn act together, that’s my advice, and it comes from the heart. And don’t tell me you can’t find out information about him. How many other presidents have disclosed the name of their kindergartens or what countries they visited before they took office?